Writing Concise Sentences

Whether it is a two-word or 10-word sentence, a sentence must be clear, concise and logical. Here are some notes toward efficiency and conciseness in writing.

Eliminating Unnecessary Words or Phrases (Being Redundant)

Avoid saying the same thing twice.

Many uneducated citizens who have never attended school continue to vote for better schools.

A phrase that repeats itself—like "true fact," "twelve noon," "I saw it with my own eyes"—is sometimes called a pleonasm.

Redundant phrases are bad habits just waiting to take control of your writing. Beware of the following.

Redundancy	The Lean Version
12 midnight	midnight
12 noon	noon
3 am in the morning	3 am
absolutely spectacular/phenomenal	spectacular/phenomenal
a person who is honest	an honest person
a total of 14 birds	14 birds
biography of her life	biography
circle around	circle
close proximity	proximity
completely unanimous	unanimous
consensus of opinion	consensus
cooperate together	cooperate
each and every	each
enclosed herewith	enclosed
end result	result
exactly the same	the same
final completion	completion
frank and honest exchange	frank exchange or honest exchange
free gift	gift
he/she is a person who . . .	he/she
important/basic essentials	essentials
in spite of the fact that	although
in the field of economics/law enforcement	in economics/law enforcement
in the event that	if
job functions	job or functions
new innovations	innovations
one and the same	the same
particular interest	interest
period of four days	four days
personally, I think/feel	I think/feel
personal opinion	opinion
puzzling in nature	puzzling
refer back	refer
repeat again	repeat
return again	return
revert back	revert
shorter/longer in length	shorter/longer
small/large in size	small/large
square/round/rectangular in shape	square/round/rectangular
summarize briefly	summarize
surrounded on all sides	surrounded
surrounding circumstances	circumstances

Abbreviated Redundancies

A special breed of redundancy is proliferating in our modern world as we increasingly rely on abbreviations and acronyms in the busyness of our technology. Some people insist it is redundant to say "ATM machine" because ATM means Automated Teller Machine. They add that it is redundant to say "HIV virus" because HIV means Human Immunodeficiency Virus, "AIDS syndrome" because AIDS means Acquired Immuno Deficiency Syndrome, "CPU unit" because CPU means Central Processing Unit. It sounds particularly silly when we come up with a plural such as "CPU units" — Central Processing Unit units. It is perhaps too easy to get caught up in this, however. "CD disk" can be redundant, but nowadays the abbreviation CD can refer to a number of things, including the machine itself. Occasionally, an abbreviation — like CD, ATM — becomes more of an idea unto itself than a shortened version for a set of words, and the abbreviation ought to be allowed to act as modifier.

Reducing Clauses to Phrases, Phrases to Single Words

Be alert for clauses or phrases that can be pared to simpler, shorter constructions. The "which clause" can often be shortened to a simple adjective. (Be careful, however, not to lose some needed emphasis by over-pruning; the word "which," which is sometimes necessary [as it is in this sentence], is not evil.)

Smith College, which was founded in 1871, is the premier all-women's college in the United States.
Founded in 1871, Smith College is the premier all-women's college in the United States.
Citizens who knew what was going on voted him out of office.
Knowledgeable citizens voted him out of office.
Recommending that a student copy from another student's paper is not something he would recommend.
He wouldn't recommend that a student copy from another student's paper.
(Or "He would never tell a student to copy . . . .")

Phrases, too, can sometimes be trimmed, sometimes to a single word.

Unencumbered by a sense of responsibility, Jason left his new leather jacket on the bus.
Jason irresponsibly left his new leather jacket on the bus.
(Or leave out the word altogether and let the act speak for itself.)

Intensifiers that Do Not Intensify

Avoid using words such as really, very, quite, extremely, severely when they are not necessary. It is probably enough to say that the salary increase is inadequate. Does saying that it is severely inadequate introduce anything more than a tone of hysteria? These words shouldn't be banished from your vocabulary, but they will be used to best effect when used sparingly.

Avoiding Expletive Constructions

This sounds like something a politician has to learn to avoid, but, no, an expletive construction is a common device that often robs a sentence of energy before it gets a chance to do its work. Expletive constructions begin with there is/are or it is.

There are twenty-five students who have already expressed a desire to attend the program next summer. It is they and their parents who stand to gain the most by the government grant.
Twenty-five students have already expressed a desire to attend the program next summer. They and their parents stand to gain the most by the government grant.

Phrases You Can Omit

Be on the lookout for important sounding phrases that add nothing to the meaning of a sentence. Such phrases quickly put a reader on guard that the writer is trading in puffery; worse, they put a reader to sleep.

Many but not all of these unnecessary phrases have been taken from Quick Access: Reference for Writers by Lynn Quitman Troyka. Simon & Schuster: New York. 1995. The examples, however, are our own. No political inferences should be drawn from these examples; they are merely models of form.

all things considered	All things considered, Connecticut's woodlands are in better shape now than ever before. All things considered, Connecticut's woodlands are in better shape now than ever before.
as a matter of fact	As a matter of fact, there are more woodlands in Connecticut now than there were in 1898. as a matter of fact, There are more woodlands in Connecticut now than there were in 1898.
as far as I'm concerned	As far as I'm concerned, there is no need for further protection of woodlands. As far as I'm concerned, there Further protection of woodlands is not needed.
at the present time	This is because there are fewer farmers at the present time. This is because there are fewer farmers now.
because of the fact that	Woodlands have grown in area because of the fact that farmers have abandoned their fields. Woodlands have grown in area because farmers have abandoned their fields.
by means of	Major forest areas are coming back by means of natural processes. Major forest areas are coming back through natural processes. (or naturally)
by virtue of the fact that	Our woodlands are coming back by virtue of the fact that our economy has shifted its emphasis. Our woodlands are coming back by virtue of the fact that because our economy has shifted its emphasis.
due to the fact that	Due to the fact that their habitats are being restored, forest creatures are also re-establishing their population bases. Due to the fact that Because their habitats are being restored, forest creatures are also re-establishing their population bases.
exists	The fear that exists among many people that we are losing our woodlands is uncalled for. The fear that exists among many people that we are losing our woodlands is uncalled for.
for all intents and purposes	The era in which we must aggressively defend our woodlands has, for all intents and purposes, passed. The era in which we must aggressively defend our woodlands has, for all intents and purposes, passed.
for the most part	For the most part, people's suspicions are based on a misunderstanding of the facts. For the most part, People's suspicions are based on a misunderstanding of the facts.
for the purpose of	Many woodlands, in fact, have been purchased for the purpose of creating public parks. Many woodlands, in fact, have been purchased for the purpose of creating as public parks.
have a tendency to	This policy has a tendency to isolate some communities. This policy has a tendency tends to isolate some communities.
in a manner of speaking	The policy has, in a manner of speaking, begun to Balkanize the more rural parts of our state. The policy has, in a manner of speaking, begun to Balkanize the more rural parts of our state.
in a very real sense	In a very real sense, this policy works to the detriment of those it is supposed to help. In a very real sense, this This policy works to the detriment of those it is supposed to help.
in my opinion	In my opinion, this wasteful policy ought to be revoked. In my opinion, thisThis wasteful policy ought to be revoked.
in the case of	In the case of this particular policy, citizens of northeast Connecticut became very upset. Citizens of northeast Connecticut became very upset about his policy.
in the final analysis	In the final analysis, the state would have been better off without such a policy. In the final analysis, the The state would have been better off without such a policy.

in the event that	In the event that enough people protest, it will probably be revoked. If enough people protest, it will probably be revoked.
in the nature of	Something in the nature of a repeal may soon take place. Something in the nature of like a repeal may soon take place.
in the process of	Legislators are already in the process of reviewing the statutes. Legislators are already in the process ofreviewing the statutes.
it seems that	It seems that they can't wait to get rid of this one. It seems that they They can't wait to get rid of this one.
manner	They have monitored the activities of conservationists in a cautious manner. They have cautiously monitored the activities of conservationists.
the point I am trying to make	The point I am trying to make is that sometimes public policy doesn't accomplish what it set out to achieve. The point I am trying to make is that someSometimes public policy doesn't accomplish what it set out to achieve.
type of	Legislators need to be more careful of the type of policy they propose. Legislators need to be more careful of the type of policy they propose.
what I mean to say is	What I mean to say is that well intentioned lawmakers sometimes make fools of themselves. What I mean to say is that well Well intentioned lawmakers sometimes make fools of themselves.

Eliminating Clichés and Euphemisms

A cliché is an expression that was probably, once upon a time, an original and brilliant way of saying something. Imagine being the first person to say something as clever as "She fell head over heels in love" or "She's cool as a cucumber." Sadly, though, such expressions eventually lose their luster and become trite and even annoying. Writers who indulge in tired language are not being respectful to their readers, and writers return the compliment by losing attention and going on to something else.

It is particularly galling when a writer or speaker relies on tired language to the point of creating a hodge-podge of mixed clichés and assorted vegetables. A mayor of Austin, Texas, once announced, to everyone's bewilderment, "I wanted all my ducks in a row, so if we did get into a posture, we could pretty much slam-dunk this thing and put it to bed."

Here is a list of trite expressions to look for in your writing and speaking. Create your own list of clichés by listening for them on radio talk-shows and casual conversation. Watch television ads and the headlines of sports columnists to find clichés that writers are playing with, adapting the meaning of a hackneyed expression until it turns into something clever (or, sometimes, not so clever).

We also recommend Brian Murphy's Big List of Clichés, for a truly exhausting (but fun) list of things to avoid saying.

acid test
at loose ends
babe in the woods
better late than never
brought back to reality
black as pitch
blind as a bat
bolt from the blue
busy as a bee/beaver
cat's meow
cool as a cucumber
cool, calm, and collected
crack of dawn
crushing blow
cry over spilt milk
dead as a doornail
dog-eat-dog world
don't count your chickens
dyed in the wool
easier said than done
easy as pie
feathered friends
face the music
flash in the pan
flat as a pancake
gentle as a lamb
go at it tooth and nail
good time was had by all
greased lightning
happy as a lark
head over heels
heavy as lead
horns of a dilemma
hour of need
keep a stiff upper lip
ladder of success
last but not least
looking a gift horse
in the mouth

meaningful dialogue
moving experience
needle in a haystack
open-and-shut case
pain in the _____
point with pride
pretty as a picture
put it in a nutshell
quick as a flash/wink
rat race
ripe old age
ruled the roost
sad but true
sadder but wiser
set the world on fire
sick as a dog
sigh of relief
slow as molasses
smart as a whip
sneaking suspicion
spread like wildfire
straight as an arrow
straw that broke
the camel's back
strong as an ox
take the bull by the horns
thin as a rail
through thick and thin
tired but happy
to coin a phrase
to make a long story short
trial and error
tried and true
under the weather
white as a sheet
wise as an owl
work like a dog
worth its weight in gold

A euphemism is a word or phrase that substitutes for language the speaker or writer feels is too blunt or somehow offensive. When people die, we say, instead, that they have "passed away" or "met their maker" or "gone to sleep." Good writing tells the truth and tells it plain.